full a' vinegar and glitter

(Hey, she’s a piratey soul)

sickpants

S’right, I’m a sickpants right now. I don’t know what it was that set it off, but yesterday I ended up extremely ill. Of course I couldn’t find any saltines in a five-block radius, so I’ve been sipping flat ginger ale and contemplating nachos or something. For the salt, right? Whatever – not important!

I’ve already said that there are a lot of things I’m unhappy with lately. How I look and feel is a big one. I’ve already mentioned that I’m unhappy with my weight and fitness level, and it’s going to be slow going. We’re about to start into the busy school photo/Christmas season at the studio, and I’ve been told to expect full-time hours every week. This will be the first time in several years that I’ll be working full-time, and it scares me that I might not be able to cope. Worrying won’t help me, so I’m trying to concentrate on the full-sized pay-cheques that will be rolling in as well. I’m really excited to slowly rebuild my wardrobe. I lost a lot of clothes in the fire, and a couple more items to my moron cats.

So that’s what I’ve been concentrating on while I’m holed up on my couch with ginger ale. I’ve been collecting “inspiration” photos for a while. Mostly from lookbook or the like, so I can really THINK about clothing I’m buying before I go for it. I need basic stuff, and pieces I can mix and match and layer and ahhhh.

For example. I need:

• at least one more pencil skirt – preferably in a bright colour, since I already have a nice gray one;

• a pair of FLAT, plain-coloured, knee-high boots;

• a black cardigan;

• a neutral or dark-coloured belt;

• several pairs of THICK (wool?) tights – black, textured, and a bright but easily matchable colour;

• nice flat shoes that I can both wear to work, and out;

• a dress or two that follow the same rule as the flat shoes;

• a white button-down, long-sleeved top

Plus a sweet pair of red heels, and at least one plaid top. But those are more want than need, ha. There are tons of other things as well… bags, vests, tall socks, basic tops, sweaters, so on. I also need a winter jacket, boo.

So that’s what I’ve done today. That, and drink ginger ale.

Filed under: Change, Weight, , ,

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

A word I’ve been almost obsessed with.

Part of my reason for moving home was to be near my doctor, and my mother. A lot of the last year I’ve been extremely depressed. I’m not sure who knew, but I only really broke down with close friends. I felt like I was losing myself, and wasn’t sure if it was worth working through. When I came home my doctor switched me to a low dose of a new drug, and it seemed to be okay. After a while I noticed that I never had any ups though, you know? Plenty (and I mean plenty) of downs and neutrals, but never ups. I got pretty good at faking happy, and I hated it.

I stopped taking my anti-depressants a few weeks ago now. I’m not sure it’s the right decision for me in the long run, but I’m positive it’s helping me now. I know how unsafe it is to stop taking a medication on my own instead of consulting my doctor… but I really believe that it’s my choice. Since I stopped taking them I’ve been genuinely cheerier, and more willing to see friends. I’m starting to feel better, and my libido has finally returned. I didn’t even notice it had gone, but it is definitely back. I’ve a renewed interest in dating too.

We’ll see how it is when I get into these changes I keep talking about. It still sounds hokey, hm. Mainly what I want to work on first is getting back into some semblance of fit. I’ve never been in great shape, but I currently weigh the most I ever have. Granted, I’m still a pretty normal size, but I don’t feel good about myself anymore. I’m back to high school where I’m constantly uncomfortable in my own skin. Part of the reason I gained was my living situation in Fredericton, and part was sheer laziness. But I’ll get more into that another time.

Filed under: Change, Health, Weight

TWEETS

  • @Gabe_Ellington heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! - 3 years ago
  • they will now be contributing to society......IJS - 3 years ago
  • rewarded for the first 5 years after dependents move out and doing well, as a gesture for properly raising them and being independent, since - 3 years ago
  • The IRS can stick it!!!!! As much as I gotta repay!! Not getting one freakin red cent back!! The gov't is an income raper....we should get - 3 years ago
  • Santiago 5: 19-20 19 Hermanos, si alguno de entre vosotros se a extraviado de la verdad, y alguno le hace volver, 20 sepa que el que haga - 4 years ago

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