full a' vinegar and glitter

(Hey, she’s a piratey soul)

sickpants

S’right, I’m a sickpants right now. I don’t know what it was that set it off, but yesterday I ended up extremely ill. Of course I couldn’t find any saltines in a five-block radius, so I’ve been sipping flat ginger ale and contemplating nachos or something. For the salt, right? Whatever – not important!

I’ve already said that there are a lot of things I’m unhappy with lately. How I look and feel is a big one. I’ve already mentioned that I’m unhappy with my weight and fitness level, and it’s going to be slow going. We’re about to start into the busy school photo/Christmas season at the studio, and I’ve been told to expect full-time hours every week. This will be the first time in several years that I’ll be working full-time, and it scares me that I might not be able to cope. Worrying won’t help me, so I’m trying to concentrate on the full-sized pay-cheques that will be rolling in as well. I’m really excited to slowly rebuild my wardrobe. I lost a lot of clothes in the fire, and a couple more items to my moron cats.

So that’s what I’ve been concentrating on while I’m holed up on my couch with ginger ale. I’ve been collecting “inspiration” photos for a while. Mostly from lookbook or the like, so I can really THINK about clothing I’m buying before I go for it. I need basic stuff, and pieces I can mix and match and layer and ahhhh.

For example. I need:

• at least one more pencil skirt – preferably in a bright colour, since I already have a nice gray one;

• a pair of FLAT, plain-coloured, knee-high boots;

• a black cardigan;

• a neutral or dark-coloured belt;

• several pairs of THICK (wool?) tights – black, textured, and a bright but easily matchable colour;

• nice flat shoes that I can both wear to work, and out;

• a dress or two that follow the same rule as the flat shoes;

• a white button-down, long-sleeved top

Plus a sweet pair of red heels, and at least one plaid top. But those are more want than need, ha. There are tons of other things as well… bags, vests, tall socks, basic tops, sweaters, so on. I also need a winter jacket, boo.

So that’s what I’ve done today. That, and drink ginger ale.

Filed under: Change, Weight, , ,

i get up early!

Well, usually. There are certainly nights I stay up until 4am playing World of Warcraft, and then sleep in until noon. On all those other days I’m up by 8am at the latest. I rarely (if ever) make and eat a good breakfast, and that is one of the habits I’m trying to change.

So yesterday I got up at 6am (seriously) and decided to make oatmeal. Laugh if you want, but goddamn I love it. I don’t really remember eating breakfast when I was growing up either, but the times that stand out were when Mum made oatmeal. So I had my oatmeal, treated myself to some hot chocolate, and decided to switch the rooms of my apartment around. It may sound crazy, but my favourite days are the ones when I’m up early, it’s cold, and I feel like getting stuff done.

I live alone in a one-and-a-half bedroom apartment uptown. It’s the top half of a house, and has a gorgeous backyard. There is a medium, square-shaped room in the middle, a large room looking on the street, and the half bedroom in the back looking on the garden. Plus a sweet two-toned hallway, a cute bathroom, and a kitchen.

When I moved in I threw all of my bedroom stuff in the large front room, but it doesn’t really suit me. I don’t have much to decorate with, so there was a ton of bare wall space. Not to mention the noise from the street, whewww. The little half bedroom is super quiet, and looks out on the beautiful backyard. It’s just big enough to fit the futon in sideways against the window. Though I’ll have to be extra careful about the radiators this winter. I brought the thick curtains from the front room as well – they’re super pretty and make the room even cozier. The only downsides to the room are its lack of a ceiling light and a door. I have plans to fix both problems though. I brought a standing lamp home from my parents’ place last night, and it seems to double as a sweater and scarf hang-on. I also brought home a spring curtain rod which will eventually help to act as a door for my half bedroom.

That leaves the huge room with less furniture than ever for a while. Carly is inheriting a new bed, and has offered me the old one. So at some point next week that will go in the large room, as well as a chair from one aunt, and a chair plus a settee from another. I guess it’ll eventually be a spare room plus sitting room plus store room? I also need a big bookshelf for my living room, and a mirror.

Hum hum hum. I can’t wait until I’m getting full-time hours at work.

Filed under: Apartment, Change

turning twenty-four

Yesterday was my twenty-fourth birthday. I did a bunch of apartment stuff that I’m going to post separately later on, and then did a bunch of family stuff that no one really wants to hear about.

In between those things I had a breakfast date with my best friend. We did a pick-up from Cora’s and sat around watching The Simpsons while we ate our cinnamon-raisin brioche. (So yum.) It was simple and comfortable and the best birthday I’ve had in years.

Filed under: Age, birthday, , ,

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

A word I’ve been almost obsessed with.

Part of my reason for moving home was to be near my doctor, and my mother. A lot of the last year I’ve been extremely depressed. I’m not sure who knew, but I only really broke down with close friends. I felt like I was losing myself, and wasn’t sure if it was worth working through. When I came home my doctor switched me to a low dose of a new drug, and it seemed to be okay. After a while I noticed that I never had any ups though, you know? Plenty (and I mean plenty) of downs and neutrals, but never ups. I got pretty good at faking happy, and I hated it.

I stopped taking my anti-depressants a few weeks ago now. I’m not sure it’s the right decision for me in the long run, but I’m positive it’s helping me now. I know how unsafe it is to stop taking a medication on my own instead of consulting my doctor… but I really believe that it’s my choice. Since I stopped taking them I’ve been genuinely cheerier, and more willing to see friends. I’m starting to feel better, and my libido has finally returned. I didn’t even notice it had gone, but it is definitely back. I’ve a renewed interest in dating too.

We’ll see how it is when I get into these changes I keep talking about. It still sounds hokey, hm. Mainly what I want to work on first is getting back into some semblance of fit. I’ve never been in great shape, but I currently weigh the most I ever have. Granted, I’m still a pretty normal size, but I don’t feel good about myself anymore. I’m back to high school where I’m constantly uncomfortable in my own skin. Part of the reason I gained was my living situation in Fredericton, and part was sheer laziness. But I’ll get more into that another time.

Filed under: Change, Health, Weight

all this talk about change seems hokey

I’ve been changing a lot lately (or trying to), and the other day ended up changing my LiveJournal layout as well. And you know… I think I’ve outgrown it, really. I still want a blog, but I don’t know. I feel like LiveJournal is a safety net. Does that make sense?

I’ve been thinking more and more that I need to haul my ass into gear with my design work, and start my own website. I need to start training myself to stop being lazy – in all aspects of my life.

So that’s where this blog comes in. I’m sick of LiveJournal, and this is my new start. Writing (poorly) is a comfort to me.

Filed under: Uncategorized

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